Side Effects May Include...

Kevin tried to bribe me into staying home from work last night. Dinner and a movie in Yakima for the two of us! He may have been feeling lonely that I was about to  leave him, or he may have felt pity for a sick girl who was sniffing and hacking like a chain smoker with dust allergies. OR it may have had something to do with what I would consider "abnormal" behaviour on my part.

The fear I have for taking medication (because, let's face it, how does it know what part of my body hurts? It doesn't, it numbs it ALL, and I'm not OK with that!) is occasionally overcome when, in fact, my whole body does hurt. As it did yesterday. The dose of generic brand DayQuil my mom gave me looked extremely huge, but my misery forced me to choke it down.

To my amazement, it actually helped. I was blowing my nose 1/2 as often and my headache subsided. The good times lasted for about 4 hours before I snapped. Kevin turned on SpongeBob, which I find OK normally, but yesterdays episode deserves a Daytime Emmy for hilarity. One joke and I was over the edge, I started laughing so hard I fell off the couch, onto the floor, and just kept laughing...

You know it's bad when Kevin starts to get concerned about my sanity, and offers to take me to the emergency room, I was laughing so hard for so long. The whole time I KNEW I was going crazy. I was laughing on the outside, but inside I was confused and not at all amused. I had long since stopped paying attention to the TV and was laughing at my laughing. Fighting to regain control of my mind took several minutes and relapses. To cap off my mad mental break I finally got my laughing under control by suddenly starting to sob my eyes out (I'm not even exaggerating). Kevin kept asking "what's wrong," and my only answer was "nothing, I don't know, nothing, wahhhhh."

This whole scenario lasted maybe 10 minutes, and at the end I was so exhausted I could not even stand under my own power. I was totally fine after that, I went to work more or less sane. The one thing I have learned from this "high" of mine, a very important lesson, I would make a terrible pot smoker! Or any type of druggie! One of the most miserable/scary experiences of my life, never again, never again!

In the early morning hours...

It was the sharp stabbing pain across my abdomen that woke me up at 2:00am. I stumbled toward the bathroom sure that I was having some kind of severe digestion issue. No relief. I crawled back into the hall reaching for the closet for some sort of medication, any medication! Too late and I collapsed into a writhing ball of pain on the floor….

My darling, wonderful husband, by some miracle, took only about 5 seconds before he woke up from a dead sleep knowing something was wrong. He found me on the floor, unable to move, shaking, hands numb, and breathing heavily.

At first he asked if I wanted to be taken to the Emergency Room, I said I’d be fine, and then he insisted. I tried to lay on the couch while he went and cleaned the newly fallen snow off the Jeep. He loaded me inside pajamas and all, and at this point I was feeling rather stupid, sure as I could be that this would just turn out to be a really expensive bout of constipation.

We arrived quickly at Kadlec Hospital. The good news is that at 2:30am there is no waiting to get seen so I was quickly checked in and forced to put on one of those awful gowns. They put me in a room and with nice warm blankets and Kevin by my side we waited for the doctor.

When the doctor came in He asked me to list off my symptoms:

• Severe sharp stomach pain
• Nausea
• Numbness and tingling in my hands and feet
• Shaking

After answering a few more questions he ruled out things like kidney stones, burst appendix (I was extra concerned about that since it had just happened to my sister in law), gall bladder… After poking around my abdomen, and giving me some narcotic pain killers, he decided it would be best to order an ultra sound. This was not how I had pictured getting my first ultrasound! The lady was super nice and I got to go on a bed ride to and from my room to the ultrasound room, and let’s just say she did two types of ultrasounds. All the while my devoted little husband stayed by my side.

Back in my exam room the doctor finally came in with my verdict, results, findings. It turns out that at some point during the night I had had an Ovarian cyst 1.5” x 1.25” that had ruptured. My right ovary was swollen, it still had some blood in it, and I had leaked fluid into my pelvic cavity (sorry this part is nasty).

So the good news is it was not all in my head. The bad news, it happened. The Doc sent me home with a prescription of pain killers and the direction to go in for another ultrasound in 4-6 weeks to make sure it heals. We got home a little after 7:00am, some 4 hours later, and all I wished was that I’d worn cuter pajamas!

The "Bottom"

Diving into this pit of self-reflection and potential embarrassment is feeling a bit intimidating. What I am about to reveal is slightly personal and may be disturbing to some so feel free to stop reading at any point…

I say slightly personal, but it is actually very obvious to anyone who sees me that I lack a little somethin’-somethin’ in the booty department (that is if you’re someone who stares my butt…hmmm, awkward). I am, and have been for a while, well aware of this, but for some humbling reason life cannot let me forget it. This is best illustrated with a little story from the other day-

I’m running out the door on my way to have lunch with my mom like I do every Thursday, and in my rush almost leave my iPod but run back inside for it. We all know radio music is garbage so this is important. There are a modest 3,685 songs on my iPod, so imagine my delight when I plug it in, stick it on shuffle, press play, and hear “I like big butt’s and I cannot lie, you other brothers can’t deny…”. You’ve got to love some Sir MixAlot. Then it went to Destiny’s Child’s “Bootylicious”. OK, I thought, a theme ha ha! But then, and I can’t even make this up, it played Queen’s “Fat Bottomed Girls.” At that point I was significantly cheesed off at my iPod and shut her down and pouted all the rest of the drive to lunch.

 

When it comes to body issues it’s best to have good friends. Belts are my friends, spendy designer jeans are my friends, but like anyone I always want more friends. So, wandering around Bed Bath and Beyond I found a new one. Her name is “Booty Pop” and we are BFFs now! Yes, it is a butt pad that you wear under your pants to give it a little more shape, some curves. It was working wonders for me, or so I thought-

Kevin- “Shalee. Why don’t you wear your fake butt anymore?”

Shalee- (long pause) “oh, I am wearing it……………”

I Live. I Ride. I Am. Jeep (untill someone takes it)

*Scene- It's 6:00am. Shalee is asleep in bed, Kevin has just left the apartment on his way to work on a cold January morning. The door opens and Kevin walks back into the bedroom. 

Kevin: Uh.....Shalee? The Jeep's gone...

Shalee: mmmm what?...

Kevin: Uh... Where did you park it?

Shalee: (rolling over) On the side by the garbage can.

Kevin: Well. It's gone. Should I call the cops...?

This may sound like a scence from a really bad B movie, but sadly it is a scene from my life. Early January of 2010 we awoke one morning to find the Jeep we had recently purchased had been stolen, pinched, niped, filched, taken without permission, any way you say it you feel royally violated! This is the Jeep we purchased:

We bought it and it became Kevins baby. Kevin took it upon himself to report his baby missing and went to the police station first thing. From what Kevin told me the officer was very nice, but told him the Jeep was most likely stolen by a bunch of drunks, was taken off roading, and ditched in the desert. With broken hearts we mourned the loss of our Jeep and waited for the phone call that it had been found and totaled...

In desperation we would just drive around looking for old white Jeeps. Kevin would yell "Ders mah Jeep" and we would hurry and drive over, always being disappointed.

In the meantime we were a vehicle short so we started looking again. Long story short, we ended up buying another Jeep (our Overland, yes that is the best of the best, impressed?).  Here's a photo:



*Scene- It's 9:30pm, mid-February. Kevin is getting ready for bed when the phone rings. He sts on the bed.

Kevin: This is he..... Oh....... Uh huh....... Ok......... White, a broken headlight, broken center consoul, crooked rear bumper....... Yeah........ Right Now....... Ok. Shalee, we have to go to the Kennewick Police Station. They may have found our Jeep.

It's creepy going to a police station in the middle of the night. We spent  an hour going over our story and photos. Finally we were going to get our Jeep back!!!

This is where the fun of this story starts! The police officer said that when they impounded our Jeep they did not even know it was stolen. Apparently a police officer saw a couple who looked suspicious get into a vehicle so he followed it. He picked them up (we don't know why) but they imponded the Jeep, and then get this. They LET THE GUY GO! It was after that they found out the Jeep was stolen and then had to find out how to get the guy again! As it turns out the dude had been using Kevins baby as a work Jeep. It was full of tools and he had welded a metal slab to the top.

So we had to go to the impound to get it back. The guy had left us some cologne, a nice assortment of Mexican CD's (fyi all of Kevins CD's were in te Jeep and are gone now), and smell. Time to get it home right? Wrong! The dang guy had switched out the ignition so our key did not work, $80 later a locksmith let us go home. t was in bad shape. Besides the smell the center consoul was broken, the speakers were blown, he cracked the plastic in the doors, an ripped out the air conditioning.

A trip to the Junk Yard and Kevin worked some magic turning it from old to new:

This is when the fun starts. We parked it at my parents since the guy was still on the loose and the next day my dad went out to inspect it. Guess what he found:

Drugs! We don't know what it was and when we gave it to the police they said to bad, it was out of the chain of custody. Oh well...

By the way, they evantually arrested the guy. A guy named Jaimes Ramon. Drity Jerk! I looked him up today. There is no record for him in any Jail in Washington for GRAND THEFT AUTO! Are you SERIOUS! It hasen't even been A YEAR!

Well last weekend we had some more fun in our Jeep. Driving home from Kristi's we noticed something strange in the air duct when the light hit it just right. Kevin finally ripped it off and his is what we found:

Sooooooooo Groseeeeee! Ewwwweeeee! I felt dirty just having it next to me.

Dirty Dirty Jerk!

Hopefully this is the end of fun for us and the Old Jeep. Here are our two babies now:



Ugh, Why?

Again with the garden? YES! It is a big part of my life right now. Is that sad? I don't know. The point is I came home from our trip to Jackson on Friday and this is what I found-

In case the photo is unclear all my potted plants are on deaths door, my big tomato plant fell over. I mean come on, why did mother nature design a plant that would fall over with my awesome tomato growing ability!

Also, these danged squash. If you are having any trouble sorting out the squash from the other plants I'll help you. See all that green stuff. That's all squash growing OVER the rest of my plants!

This is the sprinkler I set on the lawn on a timer to water when we left. This is the little yellow dot it became (f.y.i. you can't see it)-

So then it was up to me to fix it. In case I failed to mention this I work alone, and by alone I mean Kevin sat inside and watched American Pickers while I was out in 90 degree heat, deflecting bug attacks, and hacking off thorney squash vines and smelly tomato stems. Here is my pile-

But this is what I was rewarded with, so YAY!


Yippee!


And Yum!!!
Jealous Yet?

Small Update...Big Problems

If you recall, I posted something a while back about my little garden experement. Well, after a few snags I got it up and growing. It's been chug-a-luging along at a decent rate ever since....except. My Spaghetti Squash has been doing AMAZING, too amazing. Well....see for yourself-

It is takign over! My air conditioning will soon disappear...

My poor baby squash are being baked before their time...

The squash are now the size of a large potato, but they seem to double in size every day. I guess I'll keeep you posted if I win any prizes at the fair for giant mutent veggies!