Tuesday, August 17, 2010

My Top 5 (Reasons NOT to visit Jackson, WY)

In an old western town there was once a girl. She was a beautiful girl who was excited to show this magical place of her childhood to the man she had just married. "Oh what fun we will have" she thought. But, after an arduous trek across the country, full of construction delays, RVs, transmission problems, and unscheduled potty stops(*cough* Tahnia) she was begining to have some doubts. What if her new man did not feel the magic, what if he was disappointed in what she was offering, what if~

(1) He hates animals!
This place was known throughout the land for it's abundance of wildlife. It was not uncommon to see an Eagle soaring through the air as you are parked in the road waiting for a lazy heard of bison to decide for themselves to get out of the way. What if a moose was spotted on the side of the road or in a grove of trees you happen to be paddling past? Would her man be excited to have such a close encounter with such a majestic animal, or would he be bored by its giant rack and foaming nostrils? On one of the first days of their great adventure the girl noticed the rump of a moose off the side of the road. It was the strangest looking moose butt she'd ever seen. Now you should not judge the girl, from afar the colors of a moose and a Grizzley Bear are the same! Plus, this was the first bear she had ever seen in the wild outside of a garbage can.

(2) He hates National Parks

In this land there was a special magical place called Yellowstone that she was told you had to wake up at 5:00am to experiance. They all did a little exploring around some colorfuland steamy places before arriving at the main attraction. They were there just in the nick of time. After the amazing experiance of watching boiling water shoot into the air, not to mention listening to all the little kids oooohhhhh and aaahhhhh they did some more exploring. The Hot Pots were an amazing array of colors and smells, but the real adventure started when the girl walked past an innocent looking geyser when it exploded!!! With no warning!! And she screamed and ran away! The adventure then continued down 310 horrible cliff side metal stairs, and then back up (5 breathless stairs at a time), and ended with being chased off the viewing platform of thier last stop by 2 fighting Bison and rangers with industrial sized cans of Bear Mace strapped to thier hips. (3) He hates Adventure

The girl had one thing on her list to try, White Water Rafting! She had watched for years those brave enought to take on "Lunch Counter" or "Big Kahuna." This year was her turn! She was cold and wet with bruses on her legs, but she felt, well... still cold and wet but full of pride. Her man says his mouth was open because he got a bunch of water in his face and NOT because he was shreaking in fear. He was brave, strong, and a great sheild for his lady sitting up there in the front.

(4) He hates Kayaking

Since before she can even remember the girls family have been AVID Kayakers. If he can't hack getting up at 5:00am to get on the river and see some wildlife he will not be able to hack it with her family. They will think him a weenie!

(5) He hates nature

It is the boys own fault that while pretending to fall in the water on his longboard he actually looses it to the great blue. When his beautiful young wife and her whitty Uncle immediatly jump into the freezing lake water to retrieve it the boy can do nothing but laugh, lucky boy.
Or, lets say the boy is standing on a rock on the edge of a canyoun when a 4.8 earthruake rocks his world and he and the rest of the family watch rockslides fall and a dustploom envelops them. Will he hate nature when he sees the fissures in the ground?
The girl worried for a long time what her husband would think or was thinking. But, after all was said and done the boy seemed to like seeing a bear, and he was excited by the earthquake. She no longer worries about pleasing him since she now knows he can live with her family for a week and that in itself is the greatest adventure!
*photo credits to Tod Peterson (the whitty uncle) and Tahnia Jensen (the one who HAD to pee)

1 comment:

  1. what a good story! one thing: someone should probably tell the beautiful girl that she married a guy who likes dudes.