Monday, June 7, 2010

...Together We Make Mud (Garden Humor)

So, months and months ago, when we were still in the clutches of winter and in our apartment, I decided I was going to have a garden this year. At the time I thought we were going to be in our apartment for, well, a while. I found an AMAZING deal at Home Depot one day, two green wooden barrel planters, only $2 each! I guess people are not really in the market for planters in the middle of February…

What is a Honeymoon Salad?
Lettuce alone, with no dressing.

But then we moved. Yes! A house! A place with an actual patch of dirt -the size of a large beach towel- my dream garden. Now I just had to wait… February… March… April… May… MAY! My mom said I could start planting in May.

Like a prune,
you are not getting any better looking,
but you are getting sweeter.- N. D. Stice

It was time to start gathering my supplies. Shovel, check. Potting soil, check. Planters, check. Tomato cages, check. My parents, being avid gardeners, gave me some tomato plants, onion bulbs, some peppers, all great plants, but not enough. A trip to Fred Meyer finished me off with some more cherry tomato, bell peppers, peas, jalapenos (for Kevin), and spaghetti squash.

What what can you make from baked beans and onions?
Tear gas

It took Kevin about an hour to fill in my garden bed with some dirt we had off to the side, and it took me another hour to pull all the sticks and old roots out of it to make it suitable for planting. Next was a layer of potting soil mixed in and it was good to go. Planting time!

What does the letter "A" have in common with a flower?
They both have bees coming after them.
- Kim Roblin

Yay! My plants are growing! Wait. My plants are being eaten! My poor peas, decimated. My squash disfigured. Another trip to Fred Myer for some biodegradable pesticide.

What do you get if you divide the circumference
of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.

Yay! My plants are growing again! Wait. A call from the landlord. My plants are too close to the house, my tomatoes may cause “leakage” of water into the house. Ok. I guess I get to buy more planters. Off to Home Depot again. We actually found some planters to match the two I already have. Some more potting soil and two large holes later my tomatoes are now on my patio and my garden is again thriving in all the rain we have been blessed with this past month!

My wife's a water sign.
I'm an earth sign.
Together we make mud.
- Rodney Dangerfield

1 comment:

  1. Ha! I love this. You are a refreshing writer, I must say. You need to cook me a delicious meal with your garden goodies this weekend.