Neener, Neener, Neener

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! I'm so excited!!! My Birthday is in 19 days and I don't even care because I just got one of the best gifts EVER! And I'll be 25 so let's just forget about it and I'll stay young forever...

My Hubby surprised me on Sunday with a box of car parts! At least that is what he told me it was when we picked it up from FedEx. Why would I question it since we get, like, 3 boxes a week for the Bug or the old Jeep. No! This is what is was-

Yeah, that's right! This is where the Neener, Neener, Neener comes in.



This is MY new Sony DSLR. It's 10.2 megapixles and kicks all my other cameras butts! Oh, I've wanted one for sooooooo long. A camera where I could change the lens, and adjust the focus, and all that other stuff I don't understand but will talk about to appear more intelligent .

Before I even started shooting this baby I read the entire users manual- cover to cover- like a geek (but a geek who knows how to work her camera)! Then I read 3 more books, AND took notes from them, for hours.

What's that you asked? Oh, yes, I did get some lenses for my camera from Tod. Three actually. What a great un-birthday.

Here is a few examples of what I shot today during my first attempt to at being a photographer.

Disclaimer: I do not know what I am doing, these are experiments, so I do not promise great photos or make any such claims at awesomeness  (my ultimate goal).

First I wanted to play with aperture (and photograph something pretty). I promise the colors on this are better on my computer.

Then I followed/really annoyed Scruffy for a while.

But he started farting so I stopped....

and went outside...

where I played with lighting...

and lenses!

One Down...

So, my book just ended. I mean that, it just ended. Suddenly. When I wasn't expecting it. I kind of felt like my cable just went out or something. Apparently "they" thought it would be a good idea to have the last 40 pages be like a book club guide or something. I know I have my own book club of one, but I'm not that interested in discussing my thoughts with myself.

The good news! I still loved the book. Even better news! I'm starting in on a book series that has already been finished! No silly waiting a year for the next installment and forgetting everything. So here is my next book. YAY!!!

P.S. Did I tell you that Clan of the Cave Bear was already made into a movie in the '80's. Starring Daryl Hanna. I can't find it anywhere, but I am going to watch it when I do! Hopefully soon...

You Know He Dead

Oh what fun! My Sister and my Papa invited me to a day at the shooting range with them. This was the forth time in my memory going to shoooot some stuff.

Let me tell you about the first time, Tahnia and I were little - my parents wanted us to have a healthy fear of guns - Tahnia's gun ricocheted and smacked her in the middle of the forehead.

Time #2 was at school as a fun activity. One brave young man had the courage to fire a black powder gun, it exploded/fired in a blaze, I'm happy to say no one was hurt and we were all very impressed.  

And #3 was just me, my Papa, and a semi-automatic...

I can very truthfully tell you that going shooting to me is identical to flying. I start out really excited about it, I get there and begin to question why I agreed to do this, I think I'm going to die (crash/get shot), I feel better, like I cheated death when I finish, I pat myself on the back, and I quickly forget all this and want to go again. In that order. 

So the reward on Osama Bin Laden is $25 million. I could use the money, I've got debts to pay. What a better use of my time then honing my skill on an international killer? None!

You can't really see it, but my first shot, FIRST SHOT, was dead in the middle of his chest! I was like a little child all night. "Daddy Daddy look, I shot him in the heart!" "Daddy Daddy look, I shot him in the neck!" One old guy was laughing at me, but he wasn't shooting Bin Laden, he was shooting circles- LAME-O!

Tahnia Killed a Nazi Zombi. Yeah, he dead!... again.

I love that gun the most, the black semi-automatic, it kicked back like I was in a movie. My dad also had a .22, a single shot, and a glock. With all am I deadly. I have no muscle, but I do have some killer hand-eye coordination!  

In case it is unclear I shot him dead between the eyes from 10 yards away... and the head... and the heart. Kevin and I decided that this is the picture we want hanging in front of our door in case anyone ever brakes  in, better than a dog right?!

Could it be ME?!

You may not look up to Martha Stewart, but I do! So she went
to jail for obscuring a federal investigation and insider trading. If only I
had that kind of money to embezzle! And if none of you like Martha Stewart then why did I get so many presents pushing me toward DOMESTIC DOMINATION?

We have a lot in common, Martha and I. Most importantly we
both BLOG! We love to scrapbook, love to cook (don’t listen to Kevin, I can and do cook… I’m great at it… super great… still learning… need more time though), GARDEN (she loves it, I love it now, it’s a love fest), any kind of crafting, sewing, and travel. I just found out we are even reading the SAME BOOK! Freaky!

Destiny put Martha/Hallmark on my DISH programming at the
beginning of the year, so guess who hit the DVR big-time! It got me thinking,
what if I was the next Martha Stewart….. I give you-

“The Shalee Sykes Show*”

*Now to make some $$$$$

Trading Pinecones for Pineapples

 There once was a girl named Shalee

Who desired a Pineapple tree

She would search 'ere she went

For that rare ornament

Which she then would display with such glee

I think that summed things up pretty nicely. Actually perfectly, and I could leave my post at that except I feel like writing some more...

Do you watch Psyche? You know, that hilarious show on USA. No! Well, of you did you would know that the pineapple is the universal symbol of welcome. Now that you know this you will understand my brilliance in making it the theme for my tree. Christmas is all about giving and family, so what better symbol than a pineapple.

I do have to say one thing. Most of my pineapples are gifts from friends and family. Just this year My friend Jonny found me the one to the left with the green tag. You can't tell from the pictures but it sparkles with glitter and is therefore wonderful.

On the other hand, I do find some myself. Take the ugly red crab in the middle there, I found it at work last week. She is wearing a pearl necklace and a fruit hat. It is truly hideous in person!

Some of my other favorites are my Lenox. I have three, and last year I made Kevin shell out $40 for a set of 12 just so I could get the one pineapple in it. That's how dedicated I am!

Now you are wondering where I keep such gems. Well, last year I bought them their own special tree~

You Can Call Me Meadow Spittlebug

So something has me really excited! An online obsession that may not be very healthy, but is nonetheless entertaining. Please don’t think less of me, just hear me out before judging… I LOVE Green Porno! No, No, No!!! Not that kind of porno, good porno. Good porno? Can I say that? Good porno.

Since I am no longer in school I feel my intellect waning. What did I learn today?... “Shootin’ big ‘Gators with a pistol does not work”. Important maybe, but not exactly impressive. I now turn to my new friend Isabella Rossellini to inspire me.

If you have ever had an interest in biology or paper puppets this is the thing for you. The Sundance Channel and Rossellini have produced the Green Porno series as a fun and educational way to learn the weird ways animals procreate. And some are weird. Rossellini takes the biology seriously. "When I write the script," she notes, "first I do the research, the scientific research, then I try to simplify it as much as I can and make it funny. Then I have to imagine how it can translate in this sort of theatre that we do here with puppetry and me dressed up as the animal … It's funny but it's a little sick too. And also very informative."

I have even learned my Green Porno name, as you may have guessed it's Meadow Spittlebug "Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow"! And Kevin's name- Tarantula Hawk.

They have done 3 seasons so far and a new series called Seduce Me. Take a look at them first, then you can go ahead and judge me….

Season 1- All about bugs

Bee

Praying Mantis

Fly

Earthworm

Spider

Snail

Firefly

Dragonfly

Season 2- Sea Creatures (for those with tender eyes it is the most graphic).

Starfish

Limpet

Why Vagina

Whale

Anglerfish

Barnacle

Season 3- Bon Appetit! The most environmental, focusing on the effects of overfishing.

Squid

Shrimp

Anchovy

Harem on the Beach

Seduce Me! My favorite season! (a sneak peek)

also, Salmon

Bedbug

Duck

Snake

If I’ve at all wet your appetite you can find the complete seasons here http://www.sundancechannel.com/greenporno/video/ . It’s where I’ll be tonight!

Improving My Habitat

Yesterday morning Kevin and I were out running some errends and killing time when he decided to go to Harbor Freight and pick up some tool something-or-other. On our way out of the store, after we had gotten into the car actually, we saw that the Habitat for Humanity ReStore was open. I knew it was there, but I'd never seen it open, and there were people going in so we decided to pop in and take a peek. What I expected was some old appliances on a wall and some random fixtures. What I found was a treasure chest of the SUPER inexpensive and variety.

We walked in and the employee at the door explained that everything inside had been donated and 100% of the procedes go to Habitat For Humanity. That was the point I felt that slight twinge of guilt that says "you must buy something, it's for a good cause."

Well, that twinge of guilt turned to wonder and longing as I found things like $1 cuppboard doors, a super nice leather livingroom set (already sold), a huge lightfixture $15, and a couch for $150 that I SO would have bought if it had not been green and blue plaid. Our real treasure was found at the end, a huge slab of granite 1.5' x 3' x 1.25". And get this - for $5.00! Here is my proof:

Since it is all stuff donated it probably came from a carpenter so I had a little work to do. It had some glue and wood still stuck to the bottom (and don't let the photo fool you) I chiseled and chiseled it off while wearing my swim goggles, which I'm finding more and more uses for in the kitchen.

Then I added some pads to the bottom and TA-DA:

I love this new cutting board for only $5! I recommend the Habitat For Humanity ReStore to anyone now, what a great deal! Find yours:
http://www.habitat.org/env/restores.aspx

Ugh, Why?

Again with the garden? YES! It is a big part of my life right now. Is that sad? I don't know. The point is I came home from our trip to Jackson on Friday and this is what I found-

In case the photo is unclear all my potted plants are on deaths door, my big tomato plant fell over. I mean come on, why did mother nature design a plant that would fall over with my awesome tomato growing ability!

Also, these danged squash. If you are having any trouble sorting out the squash from the other plants I'll help you. See all that green stuff. That's all squash growing OVER the rest of my plants!

This is the sprinkler I set on the lawn on a timer to water when we left. This is the little yellow dot it became (f.y.i. you can't see it)-

So then it was up to me to fix it. In case I failed to mention this I work alone, and by alone I mean Kevin sat inside and watched American Pickers while I was out in 90 degree heat, deflecting bug attacks, and hacking off thorney squash vines and smelly tomato stems. Here is my pile-

But this is what I was rewarded with, so YAY!


Yippee!


And Yum!!!
Jealous Yet?

Small Update...Big Problems

If you recall, I posted something a while back about my little garden experement. Well, after a few snags I got it up and growing. It's been chug-a-luging along at a decent rate ever since....except. My Spaghetti Squash has been doing AMAZING, too amazing. Well....see for yourself-

It is takign over! My air conditioning will soon disappear...

My poor baby squash are being baked before their time...

The squash are now the size of a large potato, but they seem to double in size every day. I guess I'll keeep you posted if I win any prizes at the fair for giant mutent veggies!

It's A Boy

As the doting parents of our little Bearded Dragon we thought we'd take the time to introduce him to some of you and/or to update those of you who are already acquanted! Right now the little daring is sitting on a log basking in the heat of some of his many lamps. Here are some of our favorite photos:

Baby Scruffy

Funny Scruffy

Angry Scruffy

In an effort to get to know Scruffy as well as possible he has agreed to fill out a short survey describing himself (a warning- he has a bit of a potty mouth):

Name: Scruffy

Birthplace: Australia, or some pet store

Hometown: More like Homeroom, these fools never let me outside!

Favorite Food: Crickets... no, Mealworms...no, Crickets...no, ahhhhhh who gives a ((beep))!

Favorite Travel Spot: Anywhere YOU can't find me

Most Embarrassing Moment: That time last week I ran into the wall, it hurt like ((beep))!

Favorite Disney Princess: What the ((beep)) kind of question is that!

List 3 of Your Best Traits: Eating, Eating, and pooping on Shalee 3x

Favorite Pastime: Telling people to "((beep)) off!" and hiding

Now a glimpse of the little fella in a video montage we like to call Scruffy the Devourer:

Back to my Roots

(I hope this does not turn out tooooo embarrassing!)

I was born a blond and I’ll die a blond! This trip I’ve been trying to take down brunette lane has hit a lot of bumps. For the past year or so I’ve tried twice to go all chocolaty brown, and both times it seems my hair rebelled. It lasts a couple of weeks and then reverts back to a dirty dishwater color, not pleasing for anyone. I think I wanted to go to darker because you hear that blonds have more fun but brunettes are taken more seriously. Believe it or not it was half social experiment and half I wanted to see what I’d look like with my natural color (a medium brown- I think). As I remember, the first time I colored my hair was late high school. I fought it forever, I knew once I started I’d never stop! However, the funky dishwater color it was turning pushed me over the edge. Now as I move back to a color where I’m comfortable (apparently as ditzy and the butt of jokes) I wanted to take the time to look back and take YOU on a journey through the life of my hair…..

Actually, I was born bald! And I stayed that way…for a long time. I did not get my first haircut until I was almost exactly 3! Don’t believe me? Here are the pictures

Then I went through several stages growing up. There was….

Crimping- Ok, I still LOVE crimping, but I don’t think I can pull it off like I used to.

Perms- I think I’ve had three. A note, short hair and perms are not always the best idea.

Short Hair- I’ve yo-yoed in the length all my life, but in general I keep it short.

Headbands- I preferred the cloth stretchy ones in every color. For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to wear them over my forehead. This led to some ugly acne at the start of puberty that luckily I could hide under the headbands, HA!

Hats- I had quite the collection and I LOVED to wear them to church. If I could have gotten away with wearing those giant Easter/Kentucky Derby ones I would have been in heaven. I still love hats, but I think Kevin’s got me beat in this right now.

Long Hair- The longest it has ever been was right after high school. I think I grew it out just to prove I could grow it that long. To be honest I hated the upkeep (so much shampoo, so much HAIR)! I cut it right before after coming back from my vacation in Europe with Charity. Seeing the photos from that showed me how huge my hair had become!

Brown- I’ve already covered this, and I’ll probably try it again- someday.

Did I feel more serious and sultry in those few short moments as a brunette? Yes. Do I think it was all in my head? Hmmmm, I don’t know. Probably. What I do know is I want my hair to be sun kissed yellow and I want it to be sun kissed yellow RIGHT NOW!

Tan Lines!?!

That I am sitting here now with the slightest hint of a tan line is an act if incredible body transformation. I, for those who are unaware, am chronically the color of transparent. Just ask my nice blue veins. The only time in my life where I can claim with any honesty that I had a tan was in High School when I was swimming outside 3 hours a day 6 days a week! I was not blessed to be born with the Italian-caramel skin of my grandfather, mother, and little sister. The kind of skin that tans just at the thought of it. Jerks! I do have an anti-tan spot on my ankle, a spot that never tans, as a result it is easy for me to see if I’ve got any color (I don’t). So, on this warm (85 blistering degree) summer day, I had the amazing opportunity to be at home all afternoon. What to do with all that free time? I decided to take on a project, myself. I’m not good at all with just sitting and relaxing, listening to music bores the heck out of me, so my first task was to find something to do outside to keep me entertained. I came up with 3 ideas-

1. Water my plants (I have to remember that now since our rainy season has stopped)
2. Paint my nails (Kevin says I don’t do it enough)
3. Read a magazine (my favorite pastime of all!!!)

Now I have to admit, I did take out my iPod and play music the whole time. I began my tanning around 1:00 after meeting my mom for lunch. I had some tanning oil I had never actually used so I gave that a try. Talk about a shock. I sprayed it on and spent the next 8 sheets of paper towels blotting myself off. This tanning stuff is not for the faint of heart. I painted my nails (10 min.), I watered my plants (20 min.), and spent the next hour and a half reading my SELF magazine and talking on the phone. I finally decided I’d had enough cancer time (still looking as white as Victorian Nobleman) and went inside to wash the oil slick off my body. I went into the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and HOLY COW! A hint of red! I lifted up the sleeves of my t-shirt - a color variation! My legs? The same! I had gone from transparent to pinkish in one afternoon. I hope it lasts…

ME

MY GOAL

...Together We Make Mud (Garden Humor)

So, months and months ago, when we were still in the clutches of winter and in our apartment, I decided I was going to have a garden this year. At the time I thought we were going to be in our apartment for, well, a while. I found an AMAZING deal at Home Depot one day, two green wooden barrel planters, only $2 each! I guess people are not really in the market for planters in the middle of February…

What is a Honeymoon Salad?

Lettuce alone, with no dressing.

But then we moved. Yes! A house! A place with an actual patch of dirt -the size of a large beach towel- my dream garden. Now I just had to wait… February… March… April… May… MAY! My mom said I could start planting in May.

Like a prune,
you are not getting any better looking,
but you are getting sweeter.- N. D. Stice

It was time to start gathering my supplies. Shovel, check. Potting soil, check. Planters, check. Tomato cages, check. My parents, being avid gardeners, gave me some tomato plants, onion bulbs, some peppers, all great plants, but not enough. A trip to Fred Meyer finished me off with some more cherry tomato, bell peppers, peas, jalapenos (for Kevin), and spaghetti squash.

What what can you make from baked beans and onions?

Tear gas

It took Kevin about an hour to fill in my garden bed with some dirt we had off to the side, and it took me another hour to pull all the sticks and old roots out of it to make it suitable for planting. Next was a layer of potting soil mixed in and it was good to go. Planting time!

What does the letter "A" have in common with a flower?

They both have bees coming after them.

- Kim Roblin

Yay! My plants are growing! Wait. My plants are being eaten! My poor peas, decimated. My squash disfigured. Another trip to Fred Myer for some biodegradable pesticide.

What do you get if you divide the circumference

of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi.

Yay! My plants are growing again! Wait. A call from the landlord. My plants are too close to the house, my tomatoes may cause “leakage” of water into the house. Ok. I guess I get to buy more planters. Off to Home Depot again. We actually found some planters to match the two I already have. Some more potting soil and two large holes later my tomatoes are now on my patio and my garden is again thriving in all the rain we have been blessed with this past month!

My wife's a water sign.

I'm an earth sign.

Together we make mud.

- Rodney Dangerfield