In the early morning hours...

It was the sharp stabbing pain across my abdomen that woke me up at 2:00am. I stumbled toward the bathroom sure that I was having some kind of severe digestion issue. No relief. I crawled back into the hall reaching for the closet for some sort of medication, any medication! Too late and I collapsed into a writhing ball of pain on the floor….

My darling, wonderful husband, by some miracle, took only about 5 seconds before he woke up from a dead sleep knowing something was wrong. He found me on the floor, unable to move, shaking, hands numb, and breathing heavily.

At first he asked if I wanted to be taken to the Emergency Room, I said I’d be fine, and then he insisted. I tried to lay on the couch while he went and cleaned the newly fallen snow off the Jeep. He loaded me inside pajamas and all, and at this point I was feeling rather stupid, sure as I could be that this would just turn out to be a really expensive bout of constipation.

We arrived quickly at Kadlec Hospital. The good news is that at 2:30am there is no waiting to get seen so I was quickly checked in and forced to put on one of those awful gowns. They put me in a room and with nice warm blankets and Kevin by my side we waited for the doctor.

When the doctor came in He asked me to list off my symptoms:

• Severe sharp stomach pain
• Nausea
• Numbness and tingling in my hands and feet
• Shaking

After answering a few more questions he ruled out things like kidney stones, burst appendix (I was extra concerned about that since it had just happened to my sister in law), gall bladder… After poking around my abdomen, and giving me some narcotic pain killers, he decided it would be best to order an ultra sound. This was not how I had pictured getting my first ultrasound! The lady was super nice and I got to go on a bed ride to and from my room to the ultrasound room, and let’s just say she did two types of ultrasounds. All the while my devoted little husband stayed by my side.

Back in my exam room the doctor finally came in with my verdict, results, findings. It turns out that at some point during the night I had had an Ovarian cyst 1.5” x 1.25” that had ruptured. My right ovary was swollen, it still had some blood in it, and I had leaked fluid into my pelvic cavity (sorry this part is nasty).

So the good news is it was not all in my head. The bad news, it happened. The Doc sent me home with a prescription of pain killers and the direction to go in for another ultrasound in 4-6 weeks to make sure it heals. We got home a little after 7:00am, some 4 hours later, and all I wished was that I’d worn cuter pajamas!

Trading Pinecones for Pineapples

 There once was a girl named Shalee

Who desired a Pineapple tree

She would search 'ere she went

For that rare ornament

Which she then would display with such glee

I think that summed things up pretty nicely. Actually perfectly, and I could leave my post at that except I feel like writing some more...

Do you watch Psyche? You know, that hilarious show on USA. No! Well, of you did you would know that the pineapple is the universal symbol of welcome. Now that you know this you will understand my brilliance in making it the theme for my tree. Christmas is all about giving and family, so what better symbol than a pineapple.

I do have to say one thing. Most of my pineapples are gifts from friends and family. Just this year My friend Jonny found me the one to the left with the green tag. You can't tell from the pictures but it sparkles with glitter and is therefore wonderful.

On the other hand, I do find some myself. Take the ugly red crab in the middle there, I found it at work last week. She is wearing a pearl necklace and a fruit hat. It is truly hideous in person!

Some of my other favorites are my Lenox. I have three, and last year I made Kevin shell out $40 for a set of 12 just so I could get the one pineapple in it. That's how dedicated I am!

Now you are wondering where I keep such gems. Well, last year I bought them their own special tree~

The "Bottom"

Diving into this pit of self-reflection and potential embarrassment is feeling a bit intimidating. What I am about to reveal is slightly personal and may be disturbing to some so feel free to stop reading at any point…

I say slightly personal, but it is actually very obvious to anyone who sees me that I lack a little somethin’-somethin’ in the booty department (that is if you’re someone who stares my butt…hmmm, awkward). I am, and have been for a while, well aware of this, but for some humbling reason life cannot let me forget it. This is best illustrated with a little story from the other day-

I’m running out the door on my way to have lunch with my mom like I do every Thursday, and in my rush almost leave my iPod but run back inside for it. We all know radio music is garbage so this is important. There are a modest 3,685 songs on my iPod, so imagine my delight when I plug it in, stick it on shuffle, press play, and hear “I like big butt’s and I cannot lie, you other brothers can’t deny…”. You’ve got to love some Sir MixAlot. Then it went to Destiny’s Child’s “Bootylicious”. OK, I thought, a theme ha ha! But then, and I can’t even make this up, it played Queen’s “Fat Bottomed Girls.” At that point I was significantly cheesed off at my iPod and shut her down and pouted all the rest of the drive to lunch.

 

When it comes to body issues it’s best to have good friends. Belts are my friends, spendy designer jeans are my friends, but like anyone I always want more friends. So, wandering around Bed Bath and Beyond I found a new one. Her name is “Booty Pop” and we are BFFs now! Yes, it is a butt pad that you wear under your pants to give it a little more shape, some curves. It was working wonders for me, or so I thought-

Kevin- “Shalee. Why don’t you wear your fake butt anymore?”

Shalee- (long pause) “oh, I am wearing it……………”

Girl Crush

As defined by Urban Dictionary:

"feelings of admiration and adoration which a girl has for another girl, without wanting to shag said girl. a nonsexual attraction, usually based on veneration at some level."

So, just so we are clear, I don't want any awkward rumors getting started.

To be honest I actually have several girl crushes, from the Olsen twins, to Carrie Underwood, to Heidi Klum. But, for those who know me well you will not be surprised to hear my #1 girl crush is welsh songstress Charlotte Church.

Lately I’ve been getting “Who?” a lot. You may remember her from the 1990’s as the small Opera sensation with the “Voice of an Angel.”

It all started for me with a PBS special where I saw do a concert. I was probably around 12. I knew I liked her then, but in a fit of self denial bought her Christmas album first thinking “I can always use a Christmas album even if I hate it.” Well, not long after I owned 3 of her CDs.

This is where the internet is dangerous and can turn decent people into stalkers. Every week for a long time I would go on google, type “Charlotte Church” (which took me a long time to spell correctly) and read about her latest exploits. Drinking, smoking, partying. She was not really a great role model… but, I was more fascinated than admiring.

Her first 4 albums were categorized a classical. Then, out of nowhere, a pop album! This 5th album “Tissues and Issues” holds a very special place in my heart because it was not sold in the U.S. so I went all the way to London to buy it! Well, that’s not why I went, but it was a SUPER bonus.

My adoration and attention waned a little after that because she settled down, had two kids, and was not doing much. Then BAM! This year a new album!!! I went back into stalker mode in my anticipation. Again, the album “Back to Scratch” was only released in the U.K. so I had to order it on Amazon.co.uk and wait an eternity for it.

Unlike anything I’ve heard from her before, this new sound took me a while to warm up to. Now, I love it. It is a slower type of music than I usually go for, really vocally strong. At the risk of turning this into an ad, you should really check it out if you get a chance. And, it was just announced that she WILL be releasing this album in the U.S. early next year. So, we can all enjoy it together! I picked one of my favorite songs just to give you a taste of something I love so much-

Tradition Lives

I am a very average American and have some particularly average traditions. Carving pumpkins, buying candies for the little ones, dressing up in outlandish clothing, and watching "The Nightmare Before Christmas" are some of my favorite average activities. BUT, the one tradition that is charishied closest to my heart is the annual family shlump through the cornmaze!

This year was no exception.

The County Mercantile just outside of Pasco is our favorite overpriced truck stop/family farm. This year was a particularly cold corn maze, but all the more for the memories. Here is a look at a few of mine-

I married a bad boy! Kevin throws corn ( *see rule two) 

This is my Pops in the middle of the maze... and a giant tumbleweed (only in Eastern Washington)! 

The average couple. Oh so cute...moving on....

After an exciting corn mae race this is me and Kevin. We are winners...

This is Tahnia and my mom. They are losers!

You'd never guess it, but after we popped-a-squat here our heinies got soaked! 

Here is the GRAND FINALE! My (not so average) pumpkin was born of a moment of pure inspiration and a hacksaw, it was the talk of the

trick-or-treaters all Halloween night!

Outstanding October Outings

This weekend I had the pleasure of returning to my old stomping grounds, Central Washington University. At this point I could go on about how much I miss the University life, chilling with friends, so much free time, blah, blah, blah, but that would be pathetic, so I move on… What I want to say is I did some self reflection and here is what I decided about myself.

1) First off, I have great friends. I would have given up on me long ago, but two of my friends (Jonny and Ian) have pestered me for months to come up for a visit. I finally did and had a blast! Thai food, Ice Cream, Baseball, games, PRESENTS! How can a girl resist?!!!

2) I love my new family (I already knew that but I wanted to say it)! We stayed with my brother in law Adam and he let us have his bed. I value few things in this world more than being warm, and I slept on some cold, cold couches, so a bed was a gift. I also loved hanging out with Adam's girlfriend Hayley (I consider her family). She is my favorite foosball partner ever, way more fun than Kevin :)

3) Kevin need to fix the jeep. There is a hole on the passenger side that pours in cold air, this is how we traveled:

4)      I have great timing. We decided on a last minute to take a trip to Leavenworth with Adam and Hayley, and it was OCTOBERFEST! Here is a photo montage of the festivities:    

5)      I Rocked the Mini-Golf so hard!!! This is the point where I tell you the whole point of this post is to brag about my HOLE IN ONE! It was even on the last hole, I should have won a free game! I did pretty well, better than ever actually, putting up a 58. I even beat Kevin! A lifelong goal of mine. Did I mention I had a Golden ball?

 And if you thought my hole in one was impressive check out this sign…

You Can Call Me Meadow Spittlebug

So something has me really excited! An online obsession that may not be very healthy, but is nonetheless entertaining. Please don’t think less of me, just hear me out before judging… I LOVE Green Porno! No, No, No!!! Not that kind of porno, good porno. Good porno? Can I say that? Good porno.

Since I am no longer in school I feel my intellect waning. What did I learn today?... “Shootin’ big ‘Gators with a pistol does not work”. Important maybe, but not exactly impressive. I now turn to my new friend Isabella Rossellini to inspire me.

If you have ever had an interest in biology or paper puppets this is the thing for you. The Sundance Channel and Rossellini have produced the Green Porno series as a fun and educational way to learn the weird ways animals procreate. And some are weird. Rossellini takes the biology seriously. "When I write the script," she notes, "first I do the research, the scientific research, then I try to simplify it as much as I can and make it funny. Then I have to imagine how it can translate in this sort of theatre that we do here with puppetry and me dressed up as the animal … It's funny but it's a little sick too. And also very informative."

I have even learned my Green Porno name, as you may have guessed it's Meadow Spittlebug "Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow"! And Kevin's name- Tarantula Hawk.

They have done 3 seasons so far and a new series called Seduce Me. Take a look at them first, then you can go ahead and judge me….

Season 1- All about bugs

Bee

Praying Mantis

Fly

Earthworm

Spider

Snail

Firefly

Dragonfly

Season 2- Sea Creatures (for those with tender eyes it is the most graphic).

Starfish

Limpet

Why Vagina

Whale

Anglerfish

Barnacle

Season 3- Bon Appetit! The most environmental, focusing on the effects of overfishing.

Squid

Shrimp

Anchovy

Harem on the Beach

Seduce Me! My favorite season! (a sneak peek)

also, Salmon

Bedbug

Duck

Snake

If I’ve at all wet your appetite you can find the complete seasons here http://www.sundancechannel.com/greenporno/video/ . It’s where I’ll be tonight!

I Live. I Ride. I Am. Jeep (untill someone takes it)

*Scene- It's 6:00am. Shalee is asleep in bed, Kevin has just left the apartment on his way to work on a cold January morning. The door opens and Kevin walks back into the bedroom. 

Kevin: Uh.....Shalee? The Jeep's gone...

Shalee: mmmm what?...

Kevin: Uh... Where did you park it?

Shalee: (rolling over) On the side by the garbage can.

Kevin: Well. It's gone. Should I call the cops...?

This may sound like a scence from a really bad B movie, but sadly it is a scene from my life. Early January of 2010 we awoke one morning to find the Jeep we had recently purchased had been stolen, pinched, niped, filched, taken without permission, any way you say it you feel royally violated! This is the Jeep we purchased:

We bought it and it became Kevins baby. Kevin took it upon himself to report his baby missing and went to the police station first thing. From what Kevin told me the officer was very nice, but told him the Jeep was most likely stolen by a bunch of drunks, was taken off roading, and ditched in the desert. With broken hearts we mourned the loss of our Jeep and waited for the phone call that it had been found and totaled...

In desperation we would just drive around looking for old white Jeeps. Kevin would yell "Ders mah Jeep" and we would hurry and drive over, always being disappointed.

In the meantime we were a vehicle short so we started looking again. Long story short, we ended up buying another Jeep (our Overland, yes that is the best of the best, impressed?).  Here's a photo:



*Scene- It's 9:30pm, mid-February. Kevin is getting ready for bed when the phone rings. He sts on the bed.

Kevin: This is he..... Oh....... Uh huh....... Ok......... White, a broken headlight, broken center consoul, crooked rear bumper....... Yeah........ Right Now....... Ok. Shalee, we have to go to the Kennewick Police Station. They may have found our Jeep.

It's creepy going to a police station in the middle of the night. We spent  an hour going over our story and photos. Finally we were going to get our Jeep back!!!

This is where the fun of this story starts! The police officer said that when they impounded our Jeep they did not even know it was stolen. Apparently a police officer saw a couple who looked suspicious get into a vehicle so he followed it. He picked them up (we don't know why) but they imponded the Jeep, and then get this. They LET THE GUY GO! It was after that they found out the Jeep was stolen and then had to find out how to get the guy again! As it turns out the dude had been using Kevins baby as a work Jeep. It was full of tools and he had welded a metal slab to the top.

So we had to go to the impound to get it back. The guy had left us some cologne, a nice assortment of Mexican CD's (fyi all of Kevins CD's were in te Jeep and are gone now), and smell. Time to get it home right? Wrong! The dang guy had switched out the ignition so our key did not work, $80 later a locksmith let us go home. t was in bad shape. Besides the smell the center consoul was broken, the speakers were blown, he cracked the plastic in the doors, an ripped out the air conditioning.

A trip to the Junk Yard and Kevin worked some magic turning it from old to new:

This is when the fun starts. We parked it at my parents since the guy was still on the loose and the next day my dad went out to inspect it. Guess what he found:

Drugs! We don't know what it was and when we gave it to the police they said to bad, it was out of the chain of custody. Oh well...

By the way, they evantually arrested the guy. A guy named Jaimes Ramon. Drity Jerk! I looked him up today. There is no record for him in any Jail in Washington for GRAND THEFT AUTO! Are you SERIOUS! It hasen't even been A YEAR!

Well last weekend we had some more fun in our Jeep. Driving home from Kristi's we noticed something strange in the air duct when the light hit it just right. Kevin finally ripped it off and his is what we found:

Sooooooooo Groseeeeee! Ewwwweeeee! I felt dirty just having it next to me.

Dirty Dirty Jerk!

Hopefully this is the end of fun for us and the Old Jeep. Here are our two babies now:



Why visit Oregon? That's why....

We are getting pretty good at road trips this summer! This last weekend we went to visit Kevin's sister Kristi and her family, an 8 hour drive away in Grants Pass Oregon. I have to say, our drive there was one of the most eventful this year. It started with being super windy between Richland and The Dalls, then trying to navigate through Portland, Oregon gas stations where thye pump the gas for you, miles of construction and traffic jams in Salem, more construction, and more construction, toped off with windey freeways at 70mph in total blackness (aaahhhhh!).

But we made it!

Kristi gave us a tour of the house (FABULOUS!) and the town (FUN!). One of our favorite things to do during the visit was play tennis. Kevin and Dave (Kristi's husband) got Lucy (daughter) to be the ball girl. She loved it and was great at it! It was a luxury we never have when we play at home :)

This is Lucy sprinting after a stray ball

Bryn (other daughter) handed these to me through the fence

On Saturday we got to spend some quality Aunt/Uncle/Niece time while the parents went to Rock Out at a concert

Bryn entertaining Uncle Kevin

Kevin taught Bryn to "Pound"

It is the cutest and funnest thing EVER

This is when Bryn decided to like me.

I don't know why, I look scary here!

The girls just wanted to help Uncle Kevin put their new chairs together

Sunday we watched football. It was great to see the Seahawks win for once! I give credit to my team spirit, even Bryn joind in the occasion

Goooooooooooo Seahawks!!!

The end here is a photo collage of our trip I made courtesy of Lucy's photography (my favorite is the one of Kevin on the Tennis court doing the "superman")

I love Baseball?

Seattle makes me want to dress better *sigh*…. For some reason I’m always surprised when I end up there even though it’s only 4 hours away. When we first decided to go I made Kevin promise me I could do a little shopping, mostly at H&M (LOVE IT!). So, Saturday, we headed out early and got to Seattle about 2 hours before we were to be at Safeco. When it comes to Seattle I have one policy, park as soon as you can! I HATE parking in Seattle, so we found a spot near the ballpark and walked around.

First stop- Pioneer Square:

I'm not brave enough to be a real Firefighter

This is Kevins DREAM, the kids were on a tarp filled with Legos

I've never played on a regulation Boccee course, and apparently it's not as fun since this kids dad was acusing him of cheating.

I just like all the pidgins on the ledge

This is the Seattle Library! I LOVE Libraries!


Then we get to the whole reason for the trip. Kevin reads a Baseball blog called U.S.S.Mariner and they had a $20 ticket deal where you get in early and get to speak to/hear the General Manager of the Mariners. Kevin loved it! I sat through it. Did I mention we had to be there at 3:20 for a 7:00 game!

The GM is the one with the microphone

I'm so artsy

Did I mention we got free t-shirts and fleece blankets (thats why I came)

I took this and realized later that that guy was sitting right there :)

Then I spent the next 2 hours and 6 innings reading The Hunger Games. I'm the worst fan ever! Only one guy called me out on it. And yes, I typed 6 innings because Kevin decided they were to aweful to watch and then I MISSED BRANYON HIT A HOME RUN!!! Branyon is my #1!

Here is us watching the rest of the game from our hotel room :)

The next day I got to go shopping. This is the only pic (a customary pic), but trust me, shopping was a blast!