The "Bottom"

Diving into this pit of self-reflection and potential embarrassment is feeling a bit intimidating. What I am about to reveal is slightly personal and may be disturbing to some so feel free to stop reading at any point…

I say slightly personal, but it is actually very obvious to anyone who sees me that I lack a little somethin’-somethin’ in the booty department (that is if you’re someone who stares my butt…hmmm, awkward). I am, and have been for a while, well aware of this, but for some humbling reason life cannot let me forget it. This is best illustrated with a little story from the other day-

I’m running out the door on my way to have lunch with my mom like I do every Thursday, and in my rush almost leave my iPod but run back inside for it. We all know radio music is garbage so this is important. There are a modest 3,685 songs on my iPod, so imagine my delight when I plug it in, stick it on shuffle, press play, and hear “I like big butt’s and I cannot lie, you other brothers can’t deny…”. You’ve got to love some Sir MixAlot. Then it went to Destiny’s Child’s “Bootylicious”. OK, I thought, a theme ha ha! But then, and I can’t even make this up, it played Queen’s “Fat Bottomed Girls.” At that point I was significantly cheesed off at my iPod and shut her down and pouted all the rest of the drive to lunch.

 

When it comes to body issues it’s best to have good friends. Belts are my friends, spendy designer jeans are my friends, but like anyone I always want more friends. So, wandering around Bed Bath and Beyond I found a new one. Her name is “Booty Pop” and we are BFFs now! Yes, it is a butt pad that you wear under your pants to give it a little more shape, some curves. It was working wonders for me, or so I thought-

Kevin- “Shalee. Why don’t you wear your fake butt anymore?”

Shalee- (long pause) “oh, I am wearing it……………”

Girl Crush

As defined by Urban Dictionary:

"feelings of admiration and adoration which a girl has for another girl, without wanting to shag said girl. a nonsexual attraction, usually based on veneration at some level."

So, just so we are clear, I don't want any awkward rumors getting started.

To be honest I actually have several girl crushes, from the Olsen twins, to Carrie Underwood, to Heidi Klum. But, for those who know me well you will not be surprised to hear my #1 girl crush is welsh songstress Charlotte Church.

Lately I’ve been getting “Who?” a lot. You may remember her from the 1990’s as the small Opera sensation with the “Voice of an Angel.”

It all started for me with a PBS special where I saw do a concert. I was probably around 12. I knew I liked her then, but in a fit of self denial bought her Christmas album first thinking “I can always use a Christmas album even if I hate it.” Well, not long after I owned 3 of her CDs.

This is where the internet is dangerous and can turn decent people into stalkers. Every week for a long time I would go on google, type “Charlotte Church” (which took me a long time to spell correctly) and read about her latest exploits. Drinking, smoking, partying. She was not really a great role model… but, I was more fascinated than admiring.

Her first 4 albums were categorized a classical. Then, out of nowhere, a pop album! This 5th album “Tissues and Issues” holds a very special place in my heart because it was not sold in the U.S. so I went all the way to London to buy it! Well, that’s not why I went, but it was a SUPER bonus.

My adoration and attention waned a little after that because she settled down, had two kids, and was not doing much. Then BAM! This year a new album!!! I went back into stalker mode in my anticipation. Again, the album “Back to Scratch” was only released in the U.K. so I had to order it on Amazon.co.uk and wait an eternity for it.

Unlike anything I’ve heard from her before, this new sound took me a while to warm up to. Now, I love it. It is a slower type of music than I usually go for, really vocally strong. At the risk of turning this into an ad, you should really check it out if you get a chance. And, it was just announced that she WILL be releasing this album in the U.S. early next year. So, we can all enjoy it together! I picked one of my favorite songs just to give you a taste of something I love so much-

Tradition Lives

I am a very average American and have some particularly average traditions. Carving pumpkins, buying candies for the little ones, dressing up in outlandish clothing, and watching "The Nightmare Before Christmas" are some of my favorite average activities. BUT, the one tradition that is charishied closest to my heart is the annual family shlump through the cornmaze!

This year was no exception.

The County Mercantile just outside of Pasco is our favorite overpriced truck stop/family farm. This year was a particularly cold corn maze, but all the more for the memories. Here is a look at a few of mine-

I married a bad boy! Kevin throws corn ( *see rule two) 

This is my Pops in the middle of the maze... and a giant tumbleweed (only in Eastern Washington)! 

The average couple. Oh so cute...moving on....

After an exciting corn mae race this is me and Kevin. We are winners...

This is Tahnia and my mom. They are losers!

You'd never guess it, but after we popped-a-squat here our heinies got soaked! 

Here is the GRAND FINALE! My (not so average) pumpkin was born of a moment of pure inspiration and a hacksaw, it was the talk of the

trick-or-treaters all Halloween night!